I fancy myself as a bit of a matchmaker, when I hear that a friend was single I immediately start pairing them up using my mental Rolodex of another singles I know. Using my usual formula of “he’s single and YOUR single….. ehhh sounds good yes ?”
In my mind I introduce them to each other and it is love at first sight ( much like a scene out of Bold & the Beautiful, long glances etc ). I then think forward to their wedding day and how they will be thanking me in front of hundreds of other married couples that I have previously paired up. I bashfully stand up as everyone cheers “Natty” as yet again I have done my good work for cupid.
That is how I wish my matchmaking stories went… but much to my dismay they don’t!
My first try at matchmaking was setting up one of my juniors at work with a young boy that we had just met who lived down the street. True, I did not really know a lot about him but as I had decided I was an excellent match maker I felt I did not have to worry too much about details ( I mean what was to know ? he had a very “cute” first name and it went perfectly with hers).
So I set him up with this very excited newly single that was a real sweetheart. As it turns out the details are VERY important as he ended up being an obsessive compulsive psychopath. Who in my defence was extremely normal on the surface, but the poor girl had to change her phone number and Mr Tink had to end up asking him to stay away from her … not a good outcome on that one! The moral here is details are very important.
So I decided to change areas and become an online dating expert. I have never actually dated online myself but that doesn’t really matter. I feel I can look at a man’s profile and instantly tell if he is a good guy or a douche bag ( it’s all in the eyes). Excitedly trawling through a dating website with a newly single girlfriend I actually proved that I do know my stuff except once again – minus the details…..
I took one look at this guy and gave the “Natty” guarantee that he was a good catch. I got personally involved with the emails that went back and forward to him and I liked him more and more . I gave my girlfriend the big green light and she began an instant romance with no caution as I had done all her research for her. He was a lovely guy, did all the right things and swept us off our feet ( I mean her!). Only problem was we found out a few months later that he was actually married … what a bastard! ( turns out the eyes lie!) – that one really hurt, no more online dating recommendations from me again “ever”!
My most recent attempt was a bbq at the Tinks house. I invited 2 single girlfriends and 2 single guy friends. I was chasing the dream of 2 match ups in one day, I felt an eharmony moment in the wind!
The day started badly with one guy cancelling early which completely ruined my plans, (how dare he ruin my moment and his chance for love and a beautiful future with his potential wife!).
Now as I am quite a tall gal I tend to match up my friends based on height, as height is a sensitive issue for me – I don’t do short! Anyway it was the taller male friend that cancelled so I am stuck with one tall and one medium height girlfriend and one very short little man ( he made Elf on a shelf look tall) . I was desperate so I thought maybe medium girl and the little man would be able to work things out but after turning my back for 2 seconds the little man was all over the tall girl. Medium girl was unimpressed with me, tall girl was far from thrilled with me – but the little man was high fiving me thinking I am the best matchmaker as he has two woman who can now reach all the light bulbs in his house!
Now the story doesn’t end there the tall lass resisted his charms for a while but her ex-boyfriend was being a real ass so she decided to give the little fella a go. They hooked up for about 6 months but after she started “standing over him” during their heated arguments it soon ended.
My poor girlfriends dread becoming single because of the onslaught of unrealistic setups I have them ready and waiting for them, lined with words of encouragement like:
“just give it a go” – ”looks are not everything” – “he’s soooo funny!” – “He has his own business”
My favourite line is still ‘this one is lovely! I promise I’d date him if I were single”