Intoxicated as in a full- fledged, obsessive,compulsive, yesser. I literally took Bethany Frankel’s book ‘A Place of Yes’and ran with that sucker.
Am I making any sense here? Yes? No? Ahhh, allow me to elaborate, you see my friends, I have a problem, and the problem is me and my need to obsessively say yes when actually I really mean no. I have a real issue with letting anyone down, so I continually say yes. The huge issue with this is that it gets me in mountains of trouble, as it’s virtually impossible to give everyone what they need.
I say yes to all invitations, even the ones that I know there is not a shot in hell I can attend. I say yes to uncomfortable lunches with people who I know are only trying to sell me something. I say yes to school events, that I know are not humanly possible to be a part of and most recently, I’ve even started saying yes to strangers.
Now before you start getting images in your head of me saying yes to stray men or flirtatious admirers, I should explain. I have started allowing myself to get roped in by the man in the shop who is trying to sell me hand cream. I say yes to being added to the email list that I know is going to spam me for all of eternity. I take surveys that I know will not take five minutes and just this week I even accepted an invitation to read up on a religious cult!
My yessing has gone from not wanting to let others down, to a life of its own! After a horrific day last week I realised I’d yessed to not 1 but 3 invitations on the same day, and yessed a birthday party and speaking event all of which could not happen because we were overseas. After realising a quick dash home from overseas to attend to all my ‘over yessing’ I decided enough was enough. I was going to start saying NO. Not no for the sake of it, but no to things I really didn’t want to do and the results were astounding….
I started with a girlfriend who was constantly asking me to come to her thermomix parties. Once upon a time, I would have gone, no doubt bought one and signed myself up for a party too. This time, I put on my sassy pants and nicely said ‘I’m really sorry it’s just not my thing’. The result was shocking! No puppy dog eyes, no upset, my life didn’t change, I didn’t lose a friend. In fact, I gained a night out because we had a cocktail catch up instead.
Feeling empowered, I took the plunge and answered all the emails I’d been hiding from, for fear of letting someone down, I dove in and apologised and simply said no. The result… The world still turned and I didn’t lose any business. I was bewildered, not to mention lighter. Why on earth was I turning myself inside out trying to please everyone? Well, it turned out, as long as I was lovely and polite people genuinely got it and did not care. Well… except for the skin care kiosk man, he could see I was a newbie to the world of No and decided to lure me in with a hand massage and while I didn’t succeed that time I am now the proud owner of a fabulous had cream!
Are you a compulsive Yesser ? Or do you have some tricks to saying No ?
Mrs Tink x